


Let Me Entertain You

by MisforMoony



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Extra Sirius, Get Together, Guitarist? James, M/M, Oneshot, Peter is Decent, Queen (Band) - Freeform, Vocalist Sirius, Wolfstar Shipper James, oblivious Remus, songfic?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-22
Updated: 2017-08-22
Packaged: 2018-12-18 11:10:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11873118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MisforMoony/pseuds/MisforMoony
Summary: James entertains Sirius' fabulous idea. They entertain the Great Hall during breakfast. Peter is entertained.Remus? Not so much.





	Let Me Entertain You

**Author's Note:**

> I was listening to Let Me Entertain You by Queen and then this idea latched on and didn't let go. I'm going to stop over-editing and agonizing about it and just post it. So here you go.
> 
> We're just going to pretend for the sake of this fic that Jazz came out one year earlier than it did, okay?

“Prongs!”

“Merlin, Pads. What?” James sighed exasperatedly from his spot on the common room floor. He was surrounded with crumpled bits of parchment containing failed Quidditch plays. His hair stood on end; stress having caused him to run his fingers through it approximately one hundred times in the last hour. Sirius had come sprinting in through the portrait hole, doubled over and out of breath.

“Jamie, you really don't have to snap at me just because Evans won't like your latest poem,” Sirius teased, regaining his composure.

“This isn't poetry! This is important!”

“Not as important as what I've just come up with, mate.” Sirius smirked. He glanced around at the other students occupying the common room and rushed to flop down next to James. James grimaced when Sirius knocked over the bottle of ink, which spilled onto his latest plans.

“Alright, fine. What is so important that it has you interrupting my Quidditch planning?”

Sirius' eyes lost focus. “Moony,” he said, a dreamy smile appearing on his face.

This wasn't news to James. He'd known that Padfoot had been in love with Remus since fourth year. If he hadn't known better, he'd say that there was a possibility that Remus returned those feelings, but Remus was hard to read. Sirius would openly flirt with him, and Remus would promptly smooth his expression over into something neutral, indecipherable. However, each time, James thought he may have seen... _something_ flash in those amber eyes before Moony was able to push it down. It wasn't enough evidence, though, to mention it to Sirius. Merlin forbid he became more love-sick than he already was.

“Okay, but what _about_ Moony?”

Sirius scrambled to sit up, his eyes refocused on James with a burning intensity. “Marlene and I were listening to Jazz,” when James looked confused, he added, “you know, the new record by Queen, the Muggle band? Came out a week after my birthday?”

James nodded in comprehension. “Yeah, yeah, the one about girls with big arses riding bicycles. How could I forget?” James rolled his eyes. Sirius had played that record at least ten times in a row before James had finally kicked him, and the record, out of their dorm room.

“The girls aren't riding the bicycles, they just-” Sirius shook his head, his black hair flew wildly around his shoulders. “No, no, focus! Focus! Marlene and I were listing to the album and there's this song, and I just thought, what if I got up on the Gryffindor table in the great hall and sang it to Moony?” Sirius rambled. “Well, I guess it doesn't have to be _to_ Moony, but he has to see me dancing to it. It would be brilliant! He'd think I was so badass and then he'd fall in love with me and it would be perfect, Prongs!”

James stared at him, eyebrow raised, unimpressed. “How old are you? You can't just come out with it and tell the bloke you fancy the pants off him? Have since fourth year?”

“Jaaaaames,” Sirius whined. “This is important. It has to be good. If I tell him, just tell him, and he doesn't...” He swallowed, fighting back the thoughts of Remus rejecting him. “I have to know, first. I need to make sure he's interested, and I'll know if I do the song.”

“Pads, I really don't think this is going to work, but I hope it does because I'm sick of this,” he said with a sigh. “If it doesn't work out, and for the record I don't think it will, can you promise me you'll just _talk_ to him about it? Please?”

Sirius sat up taller, and James could nearly see Padfoot's ears perk up. “So, you'll help me?”

“Do you promise?”

“Mate, I don't have to promise you anything, because this is going to work.”

\----

Remus sat quietly in the Great Hall eating his toast. He'd come down to breakfast with Peter. James and Sirius were nowhere to be found when they awoke. It figured that they were probably off planning a prank. It was too early in the morning for them to be doing anything else. Merlin forbid one of those things was eating breakfast. He looked across to Peter, who was scarfing down eggs, and sighed. He allowed himself to wonder briefly about what kind of prank would befall the student body of Hogwarts that morning. Maybe he could even stay out of detention this time, now that he wasn't involved. A bloke could hope. Remus sighed and turned back to his breakfast.

Suddenly, a strange smoke started curling across the floors of the Great Hall. He brought his feet up onto the seat, and passively hoped that the smoke wasn't poisonous. Remus squinted at it in confusion. It didn't seem to be coming from anywhere in particular. He inhaled deeply but didn't smell anything burning. He turned in his seat to look for James and Sirius. Before he could spot them, the candles floating above blew out. The enchanted ceiling turning slightly stormy, with vivid streaks of lighting crossing it. He heard Peter squeak beside him just before the music started. He looked up towards the high table. A spotlight suddenly illuminated James holding an electric guitar. James held on loosely, as if the strings could bite. Remus groaned inwardly. _Prongs can't play for shit, but at least he isn't drunk this time_. Luckily, the guitar seemed to be charmed and was shredding away while James tried to look less out of place than he felt.

Remus wasn't entirely sure what to make of the scene unfolding in front of him. What was the purpose? There was always some end goal to a prank, but this looked less like a prank and more like Sirius attempting to fulfill some punk rock pipe dream. He could tell from James's awkward stance and terrified expression that this couldn't have been his idea.

Sirius's voice broke through the haze of smoke and lights. Before Remus could register anything else, he saw Sirius lounging on the beam of the rafters above James. His wand held like a microphone, his hair flowing over the studs on his leather jacket, and was he _wearing eyeliner?!_ Remus' heart skipped a few beats before he was able to focus on what Sirius was singing.

“ _Are you ready for some entertainment, are you ready for a show?”_

Sirius slid from the beam, dangling by the hand that wasn't holding his wand. He dropped to the table below him in a heap of leather and hair. He was still singing, and his voice wasn't half bad, Remus had to admit. James had pulled out his wand and levitated Sirius from the head table to Gryffindor's, all the while shaking his head as the guitar strung around his neck continued to play without any input.

Peter was laughing uproariously from his seat at the table, tears streaming down his face. He dropped his head to the table, his shoulders shaking from mirth. Remus was gaping at the scene unfolding around him, completely lost for words. Some of the students had tried to go back to their breakfast, and others had walked out of the Great Hall entirely. Those remaining watched the performance with varying degrees of excitement and horror painted on their faces.

“I don't suppose they mentioned this to you?”

Peter shook his head, wiping the tears from his eyes. “Not a thing, mate! Got to imagine this is about a bird, yeah?”

Remus' stomach tightened. He looked a few seats to his right to see Marlene whispering – well, more like shouting – in Dorcas' ear. He couldn't make out what she said, but Dorcas' rolled her eyes and Mary giggled. “Figures that Sirius would find a way to pull _en masse_ , _”_ Remus said bitterly.

“ _Jazz you, razzamatazz you with a little bit of style.”_ Sirius winked lasciviously at Marlene as he made his way down the table. His combat boots stepped in a couple of breakfasts and knocked over quite a few glasses of pumpkin juice. “ _C'mon, let me entertain you.”_

Sirius slid across the table on his knees, sending dishes crashing to the floor, and he stopped directly in front of Remus.

Sirius turned on his knees to face him. Remus was suddenly aware that he was about to become part of this charade, whether he wanted to or not, and braced himself. White-knuckling the bench, he pulled back from the table as far as he could. He stared up at Sirius, bewildered.

“ _I've come here to sell you my body.”_ Sirius held his arms out to his sides. Remus' slight blush wasn't at all hidden, thanks to the giant spotlight on Sirius, and therefore on himself. He hated being in the spotlight, metaphorically. Being under a literal one was twice as bad. _“I can show you some good merchandise.”_ Sirius ran his hands down his own chest and thighs suggestively. Remus was frozen on the spot in shock and embarrassment. He wanted to bolt from the Great Hall, but his muscles refused to cooperate. He couldn't look away from Sirius all but splayed in front of him. Everything else had faded into the background, including the pumpkin juice that was dripping onto his lap. All he could see was the leather clad boy in front of him, on his knees. He seemed like he was singing for Remus, only Remus, and the words didn't seem to matter. It seemed like minutes had passed, though it hadn't been more than a few seconds. Finally, he looked up into Sirius's blue-gray eyes which seemed to be searching Remus' expression.

That's when it hit him. This wasn't just a prank he had been left out of, but it was a prank meant for Remus. Not only that, but he had fallen right into the trap. He felt like he'd just let go of a port-key as the world _wooshed_ back in around him. Remus looked around him to see some of the students really getting into the performance. The group of girls further up the table were egging Sirius on with calls of “You get 'em, Black!”

“ _We've found the right location, got a lot of pretty lights, sound and amplification, listen,”_ Sirius sang, making his way down the remainder of the table. Remus stared, shocked, at Sirius' retreating form. His mouth hung open, and he heard Peter laughing, probably at him, somewhere in the background. Remus thought the song was ending, and he was relieved. Only slightly disappointed that he hadn't really been listening to Sirius' voice.

“ _We'll have a son-of-a-bitch of a time,”_ Sirius sang, and he turned his head back to look at Remus, his eyebrows creased in concentration.

The song faded as the candles flickered to life, waking Remus from his daze. He could now see Professor McGonagall where she stood in front of James, still on the head table, and shouted at him to “Get down from there, Mr. Potter,” and “what would your mother think?”

Sirius was no longer on the table. Instead, he stood next to Professor Dumbledore near the entrance to the hall, hand on the back of his neck and blushing at the ground.

A spark of anger lit a fire inside of Remus. He pushed himself viciously up from his seat. _How could he embarrass me like that? Marauders are not supposed to prank each other. Not like that. I'm just trying to graduate without being outed as a bloody werewolf, for Merlin's sake!_ He thought as he made his way towards Sirius.

“A great show, Mr. Black. Quite the entertainment. However, you do understand that I must give you detention? I am sure you would agree that repeat performances would lose their entertainment value and, dare I say, become a little discommodious,” Dumbledore said with a wink.

Remus grabbed Sirius' arm and snarled in his ear, “Can I talk to you for a second?” As soon as the words left his mouth, he felt Sirius' muscles tense in his grip. He had a fleeting second of guilt, before he remembered Sirius kneeling in front of him on the table.

“Ah, Mr. Lupin,” Dumbledore's words broke Remus out of his thoughts. “I am sure you have some congratulations to deliver before classes begin. Please, I do not wish to interrupt.” Dumbledore hummed a tune that sounded suspiciously like a certain Queen song as he exited the Great Hall.

“Moony?” Sirius asked tentatively. His hands shook with nerves and adrenaline. He didn't have his answer. Didn't know if Remus felt the same. He saw the shock on his best mate's face when he was atop the table, and now, anger. _Maybe James was right. Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe I just have to tell him._

Remus didn't respond. He pulled Sirius out of the Great Hall, with no thought of direction or plan. The scene replayed in Remus's head. Sirius, with his ridiculous leather jacket, obscenely tight trousers, and that eyeliner that should not have been sexy. _Wait, WHAT? Sexy? You should not think your best mate is sexy. Oh shit._ Remus had pulled the other boy into a deserted corridor.

“Moony? Remus, what? I'm sorry. I was just-” Sirius' eyeliner was smudged with sweat. He ran his hands through his hair, reminding Remus an awful lot of James.

“You were just what, Sirius? Embarrassing me in the Great Hall, of all places? Was this just another prank?” Remus felt his rage melting into disappointment and hurt.

The other boy's eyes went wide. “No!” He shouted a bit too quickly. “No, no. Not a prank, Remus. I just thought that... if I did...” Sirius stumbled over his words. “James said it was a bad idea. Shit. Shit, Moony.”

“If it was just some ploy to pull, then why, pray tell, did I have to become a part of it?” Remus pinched the bridge of his nose and tried to breathe evenly.

“To pull? Bloody fucking shit! No, you've got this all wrong. Remus,” Sirius's voice was pleading. “That's not... I mean, it is but... not like you think, probably....”

Remus stopped, confused, and stared at Sirius with questioning eyes. “Then what-?”

“I fancy you!” Sirius blurted. “And I needed to know if you felt, if you could feel, that way about me.” Sirius stared wide-eyed at Remus, horrified by what he'd just admitted.

“You fancy me? What? Why me?” Remus's heart picked up. He could feel his blood thrumming under his skin. “How can you fancy me? When you're... you're Sirius!”

“Of course I'm serious, Moony!”

“No, I mean, you're Sirius bloody Black! Hogwarts heart-throb! You've kissed half of the birds at this fucking school and you expect me to believe...” Remus was almost frantic now. He wanted to shake Sirius until he came to his senses. _Or kiss him._ His brain supplied helpfully. _Oh._

“Remus, you don't really believe those rumors, do you?” When he didn't get an answer, he continued, “Well, they're not true. I haven't since...” He looked away, tugging on the bottom of his jacket. “Since I figured it out. About me, I mean. And you.”

Remus's voice cracked when he asked, “And when, exactly, was that?” Sirius blushed and muttered something unintelligible. Remus, finding some of that fabled Gryffindor courage, gently placed his hand under Sirius's chin, and lifted his head until gray eyes met amber. “Sirius?”

“Fourth year,” he whispered.

_Oh._

Remus stepped closer, forcing Sirius to step back into the brick wall behind him. His hand rested on Sirius's jaw, keeping him from looking away again. “One more question.”

Sirius swallowed nervously, but nodded.

“Can I kiss you?”

Eyes wide, Sirius made a noise that sounded strangely like Padfoot's whine and lurched forward. Remus wrapped a hand around the back of his neck as their lips crashed together. Remus shoved him with a little more force than was necessary back against the wall. Their mouths refused to separate, even when James came around the corner and cheered.

“YES! It's about bloody time!”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Hope you liked it! Drop a comment, yeah? Cool, thanks. -M


End file.
